following the masses

Just because you order wisely doesn’t mean you order well. It’s possible to be ‘good at food’ and simultaneously good at very little else. Food is not a virtue.

the mug says it all

the mug says it all

Lots of people eat at Mother’s in downtown Portland. Lots of people wait in line, tourists shove their luggage into a doorway the width of a very petite woman. The name of this establishment dictates its patronage; there will be children. You’re an adult with no children in tow, you will wait 45 minutes for brunch because someone you trust says that you should.



As you dodge launched Animal Crackers and Sippy Cups you might as well get the pecan cinnamon bun/strudel/whatever. You can finish it for dinner.


The matzo ball soup is Worth It. Very few places in Portland serve it, even fewer make it well. Get a cup, not a bowl. The bowl makes you look like a glutton.

B & G

B & G

I’m a surveyor of biscuits and gravy. I have opinions. The high point of these is the half flour/half corn meal biscuit dough. The gravy is under-seasoned. The eggs are transcendent, see the edge crisp on the over easy? Get yours.


Dungeness Benedict, Esquire.

This is the brunch special on your one and only visit to Mother’s. The hollandaise is whipped to a thick and velvet meringue, the crab is sweet and new, the potatoes are treated with animal fat.

The waiter compliments the two of you on your fine ordering skills.

Food is not a virtue, get the hell out of there.



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