guacamole boris karloff

Earlier this week the following recipe was tweeted, tumblred, messageboarded, mocked, revered, and discussed:

speaking to all mortals from beyond the grave

speaking to all mortals from beyond the grave

According to this unsourced and undated article Mr. Pratt had a fondness for the spice of life: the zip of chili, the slick of avocado. I kept my eye out for someone, anyone, who would build the monster and bring this recipe to life. I found one individual who stocked up on the ingredients but forgot the Sherry, he never reported back…

I’d like to welcome Boris Karloff to my food diary. Let’s do this right.

The brain you stole, Fritz. Think of it. The brain of a dead man waiting to live again in a body I made with my own hands!

The brain you stole, Fritz. Think of it. The brain of a dead man waiting to live again in a body I made with my own hands!

The elephant in this recipe is Sherry, a white grape extraction. Fortified hooch. According to the modern internet very few of you know what Sherry is, you’ve never tried it and you are damn near horrified to see it listed among guacamole ingredients.

Have a heart. Sherry is delicious.

A bad Sherry (I won’t name names) is really sweet and sort of tastes like a caramel coated peanut shell. A decent Sherry tastes like almonds and cherry blossoms. I consider Hartley and Gibson’s Amontillado a decent Sherry. A GREAT Sherry (Valdespino) tastes like sunshine and marconas, like smiling at your true love in the middle of a crowded street in Seville.

I knew Boris was up to something really special with the Sherry inclusion.

the mash

the monster mash

a fine chop on the tomato

a fine chop on the tomato

minced onion

minced onion

a tablespoon of this

a tablespoon of this

a tablespoon of that

a tablespoon of that

two tablespoons of this glorious hue

this glorious hue

The brain which was stolen from my laboratory was a *criminal* brain.

The brain which was stolen from my laboratory was a *criminal* brain.

Here’s what happens; the resulting “sauce” is super shiny, very lovely to behold. The Sherry brings out a pronounced nutty (think Macadamia) oily-ness from the avocado. I refuse to lie to you, the booze in this dish is evident on the palate…it’s a British recipe, what in the bloody hell do you want from me?

Yet there is a delicate balance to Boris’s creation that you will enjoy. Tastes like two feet in a split across time and culture. You have to try this for yourself.

I wasn’t content with dipping corn chips into this Guac. I felt overwhelmed with the desire to find a more noble application so I walked to Torres De Morelos on 31st & Powell, home of the best $1.50 tacos in Portland, and treated Boris’ special concoction to a dutifully spicy end.

You have created a monster, and it will destroy you!

(one lengua, one chorizo)
You have created a monster, and it will destroy you!

Up Next: I’m working on a long thing about what baseball and canned seafood have in common.

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