Category: ephemera

guacamole boris karloff

On By Emily KeithIn ephemera, fancypants, in the kitchen, libations, new to me, new to you, unsolicited adviceLeave a comment

Earlier this week the following recipe was tweeted, tumblred, messageboarded, mocked, revered, and discussed:

speaking to all mortals from beyond the grave
speaking to all mortals from beyond the grave

According to this unsourced and undated article Mr. Pratt had a fondness for the spice of life: the zip of chili, the slick of avocado. I kept my eye out for someone, anyone, who would build the monster and bring this recipe to life. I found one individual who stocked up on the ingredients but forgot the Sherry, he never reported back…

I’d like to welcome Boris Karloff to my food diary. Let’s do this right.

The brain you stole, Fritz. Think of it. The brain of a dead man waiting to live again in a body I made with my own hands!
The brain you stole, Fritz. Think of it. The brain of a dead man waiting to live again in a body I made with my own hands!

The elephant in this recipe is Sherry, a white grape extraction. Fortified hooch. According to the modern internet very few of you know what Sherry is, you’ve never tried it and you are damn near horrified to see it listed among guacamole ingredients.

Have a heart. Sherry is delicious.

A bad Sherry (I won’t name names) is really sweet and sort of tastes like a caramel coated peanut shell. A decent Sherry tastes like almonds and cherry blossoms. I consider Hartley and Gibson’s Amontillado a decent Sherry. A GREAT Sherry (Valdespino) tastes like sunshine and marconas, like smiling at your true love in the middle of a crowded street in Seville.

I knew Boris was up to something really special with the Sherry inclusion.

the mash
the monster mash
a fine chop on the tomato
a fine chop on the tomato
minced onion
minced onion
a tablespoon of this
a tablespoon of this
a tablespoon of that
a tablespoon of that
two tablespoons of this glorious hue
this glorious hue
The brain which was stolen from my laboratory was a *criminal* brain.
The brain which was stolen from my laboratory was a *criminal* brain.

Here’s what happens; the resulting “sauce” is super shiny, very lovely to behold. The Sherry brings out a pronounced nutty (think Macadamia) oily-ness from the avocado. I refuse to lie to you, the booze in this dish is evident on the palate…it’s a British recipe, what in the bloody hell do you want from me?

Yet there is a delicate balance to Boris’s creation that you will enjoy. Tastes like two feet in a split across time and culture. You have to try this for yourself.

I wasn’t content with dipping corn chips into this Guac. I felt overwhelmed with the desire to find a more noble application so I walked to Torres De Morelos on 31st & Powell, home of the best $1.50 tacos in Portland, and treated Boris’ special concoction to a dutifully spicy end.

You have created a monster, and it will destroy you!
(one lengua, one chorizo)
You have created a monster, and it will destroy you!

Up Next: I’m working on a long thing about what baseball and canned seafood have in common.

step into the light, poor Lazarus

On By Emily KeithIn corporate consumption, ephemera, libations, PortlandLeave a comment
Lela's Porch
Lela’s Porch

The triumphant return of eating lunch at my desk – Lela’s Bisto on NW 23rd sells top rate banh mi with fresh salad sides. They also make fizzy house sodas.

the traditional
the traditionalist
spicy tamarind and a caramel shortbread quarter
spicy tamarind and a caramel shortbread quarter

Other days I circle the district on foot (inspired by “Wanderlust” a brilliant book authored by Rebecca Solnit) stopping at the library, heading South to Saint Patrick’s, ambling by the re-purposed grocery carts and suffering under the 405 bridge, eventually procuring lunch at the Q19 carts.

zucchini tacos from el diablitp and sunshine
zucchini tacos from el diablito and sunshine

After dark I get down to business, most recently at the new Ava Gene’s, sister of The Woodsman, on SE Division.

love makes you feel 10 feet tall
love makes you feel 10 feet tall

This is a Zimmerman concoction of Gin, Pisco, Aperol, Punt e Mes, Grapefruit Peel. I feel like it should be served in a coupe but I also admit to being newly and completely bored by cocktail menus. So I did what any modern mortal would do when faced with indecision and ambivalence, I doubled down, ordered another pre-fab cocktail.

Light's Out
Lights Out

Zacapa Centenario, Becherovka, Bitters, Black truffle. What a broody drink, of course I enjoyed it but it didn’t shoot me to the moon the way a recent dealer’s choice at Teardrop did. That’s the night I learned pineapple juice, maple tinctures and liquids that have “shrub” in the title can CHANGE LIVES.

I’m not quite ready to discuss the food at Ava Gene’s, I veer a bit further from indecision towards confusion on that topic.

marble crypt
marble crypt

I am decisively decided on Ava Gene’s restroom facilities. Transcendent rooms that feel like sacred spaces, completely covered in marble, a balmy 45 degrees, almost completely dark save for a few small lights near the basin. A peaceful tomb-like quality. A  proper antique soap carafe that you turn over in your hands. Amazing design. Whether you stop by for a 5 course meal, or a single cocktail, make sure to excuse yourself for a moment.

Up Next: I spend 3 days overdosing on Vitamin E to have a sense of smell for 48 hours. The last time I did this was nearly 10 years ago and I learned that old books have a smell. Game changer. I have various Tour Guides for the majority of this project but there is one epic experience that is so crucial, so central to my philosophy of food and drink, it is a mission I must face as God intended, alone.