I made the Ernest Hemingway Burger Recipe. Apparently they found this gem in his files stored in Cuba, recently acquired by the Kennedy Library.

I encourage you to read all about the literary nuances of this recipe on other internet corners. I just want to talk about the lowly process of gathering the ingredients and making a burger. First, you’re gonna need some stuff that you don’t have.

If you’ve never paused to consider Hemingway and his brand loyalty, now’s the time. You need THREE “Spice Island” mixes to satisfy this creative work: Beau Monde, Sage Powder, and Mei Yen. I found the specific brand instruction a bit curious but it turns out that Spice Island is the largest manufacturer of spices in the world. They’ve been grinding out the spice from their mothership in Iowa since 1941. Hemingway would have liked that sort of thing, that they were proven and reputable. Spice Island discontinued Mei Yen a few years ago so you, my dearest dilettante, will need to concoct your own.

Grab that bag of MSG from your cupboard, the one you’re saving for special occasions, and put 2 teaspoons of the MSG into 9 teaspoons of both salt and sugar. Shake it all together. You’ve made Spice Island’s Mei Yen seasoning.

You also need capers, 2 tablespoons of capers. So many capers they will take the appearance of green peas in your finalized patties. Capers. Hemi liked the capers.

“Indian Relish.” Don’t let Papa talk over your head, he means chutney. Get some chutney.

Mix with your hands because that’s what Hemingway would do. On a similar note, you only used a 1/3 cup from that bottle of wine, pour the rest down the drain. You don’t want to actually be Hemingway. He was sort of a lush. Make an excellent salad while everything marinates.

Timing, in fiction and life, is everything. 4 minutes on one side, flip patty, increase heat for 1 minute, decrease heat for 3 more minutes.

Be precise.

This burger is very SAGEY. Lots of umami and just slightly spicy from the chutney. Crispy on the edges. Rugged yet refined.

Happy Labor Day, Columbus Day, All Saints’ Day, Veterans, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Epiphany from Bunny Bread Surprise.

I have been absent but I went on a small mission this week and I thought of you.

East to 82nd Avenue, where I once lived in a tiny trailer with a tiny dog who would jump out of the tiny window when I wasn’t home. So much demolition and construction has occurred in the past 12 years that I can no longer tell where my trailer once stood. I can only look around wistfully and think, “somewhere over there.” But never mind the past, this is a post about the future, and lobsters, and things being smoothed.

I’d never had a lobster roll before. I’ve had lobster and bread and butter but never assembled the way they do in Maine with large cockroaches-of-the-sea freshly plucked from local waters. So I corrected that:

This food cart imports lobster from Maine three times a week! Take that sustainable eating! They are located in the Cartlandia pod just off the Springwater Bike Trail, which is very ecologically sustainable so everything evens out. There will be a bit of a line so place an order at the window and they will give you a number:

Fourteen dollars and 5 minutes later you are rewarded for your efforts, which are very few, you have done absolutely nothing to deserve such finery.

Three times in my Portland tenure I’ve happened upon a meal that nearly brought me to tears. The first two involved pizza (duh) the third is this lobster roll. It’s just a simple hot dog bun loaded with hunks of the finest, freshest lobster you can get on the West Coast. Every bite tastes deeply of the saline sea. Not in the same way oysters do, this lobster tastes a bit more…ancestral. The sandwich is decked with clarified butter and comes with a side of chips, coleslaw, lemon wedges. Pairs dead-on with a cold lemonade. It all works together to pull at the old rusty heartstrings, strumming them hard, rubbing those rough craggy edges.

Here’s to the bright untouched future. Happy New Year.