Category: judgy mcjudgerson

following the masses

On By Emily KeithIn brunch, hits and misses, judgy mcjudgerson, missing people, Portland, unsolicited adviceLeave a comment

Just because you order wisely doesn’t mean you order well. It’s possible to be ‘good at food’ and simultaneously good at very little else. Food is not a virtue.

the mug says it all
the mug says it all

Lots of people eat at Mother’s in downtown Portland. Lots of people wait in line, tourists shove their luggage into a doorway the width of a very petite woman. The name of this establishment dictates its patronage; there will be children. You’re an adult with no children in tow, you will wait 45 minutes for brunch because someone you trust says that you should.

crumb
crumb

As you dodge launched Animal Crackers and Sippy Cups you might as well get the pecan cinnamon bun/strudel/whatever. You can finish it for dinner.

SOUP

The matzo ball soup is Worth It. Very few places in Portland serve it, even fewer make it well. Get a cup, not a bowl. The bowl makes you look like a glutton.

B & G
B & G

I’m a surveyor of biscuits and gravy. I have opinions. The high point of these is the half flour/half corn meal biscuit dough. The gravy is under-seasoned. The eggs are transcendent, see the edge crisp on the over easy? Get yours.

IMG_1894
Dungeness Benedict, Esquire.

This is the brunch special on your one and only visit to Mother’s. The hollandaise is whipped to a thick and velvet meringue, the crab is sweet and new, the potatoes are treated with animal fat.

The waiter compliments the two of you on your fine ordering skills.

Food is not a virtue, get the hell out of there.

 

On the subject of “Monsters” and “Blasts”

On By Emily KeithIn in the kitchen, judgy mcjudgersonLeave a comment

I have a new breakfast:

2 scoops soy protein

Banana

1 cup raw spinach

2 Tbs Oats

1 c soy milk

4 ice cubes

Serves 2

In other corners of the internet these simple shakes are called MONSTERS. Why?

My favorite Pilates studio (who can usually do no wrong in my eyes)  is hosting a fitness challenge this month. The optional accompanying dietary cleanse is called a BLAST. Why?

I understand that we are surrounded by EXTREME fitness marketing, I just have a distaste for the concept. In a search to be good to our bodies and our selves why are we tempted to digest fictional horror characters? What or who are we “blasting”?

Instead of blasting and fasting why are there not more health campaigns to nourish and sustain? They are out there, just not nearly as popular and it bums me out.

If there is anything I have learned about self-acceptance it’s that it can only be achieved by omitting self-harm. It’s a simple concept that, like breakfast, can quickly become unnecessarily complex.